"Little Deaths"

For the past several months, my desires have been in tension with God's desires. But it was not until yesterday that the full realization of it all hit me. Lately, I have been reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot called Passion and Purity (thanks Charla!). I recently read a chapter called "Little Deaths." In this chapter, she ties waiting on God with dying to ourselves (not really so much tying it together but revealing what is already there). As I was thinking about that and other things that I had read in that book, things started to come together for me in my mind. I'll give you the Nick Jones paraphrase...

"As we wait upon God, we are to be seeking after Him. As we seek after Him, He promises that, if we do so with all of our hearts, we will find Him. When we find Him, we will hear Him speak. When we hear Him speak, we are commanded to be obedient. Many times, that act of obedience will also require a part of us to die."

Elisabeth Elliot goes on to point out that we are not to die simply to die, but as we die to ourselves, we are able to be reborn in God. In America, salvation is seen many times as a one-time event. However, it is something that we are to work out our entire lives (Philippians 2:12-13). Just as we lived for many years in sin, so too will it take many years for all of that to be stripped away.

With all of that said, I realized, as I was reading, that I have been waiting on God and other things in my life. I was trying to listen to God and wait for other things to change at the same time, and neither was happening. For the first time, I believe that I have laid all my desires on the altar of the Lord... And I feel so alive! God is the first thought on my mind. The uncertainty of my future has been replaced with a joy for the present. Through dying to my desires, I have come alive.

Jim Elliot told Elisabeth Elliot when they had to be apart for a time while they were dating, "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." The past few months, my mind has dwelt many times in the past wondering why things have happened the way they have and also in the future wondering how my life will go. All of this is futile because the only thing that I can really do is live in the present alone. I must learn from my past, hope for the future, but LIVE in the present. I am in Peru right now. So that is where I am going "be."

The only thing we are given is today. What we do with it is up to us? I want my today's to count for His eternal glory! Each day is a completely new day...nothing like yesterday and totally different from tomorrow. There is no 1-2-3 step process of following Christ, but as we rise each day and wait on Him, seek after Him, hear Him, die to ourselves, and obey His leading, we will become more intimate with Him (which is what He desires so much). As that happens, we will become more like Him, and His desires will be our desires. And our today's will make an eternal impact for His glory that would not be possible on our own!

"God, give us the grace to be obedient servants to you. Give us the strength to endure till the end. Make us instruments to be used by you to complete your purposes. Let us be like the "bread" that Jesus broke to feed the 5,000 that as we are broken we will be used to bless many in your name. Show us your ways and give us the courage to walk in them. May all the glory be yours! In the name of Jesus, Amen and Amen."

I wait.

I wait.
Dear Lord, Thy ways
Are past finding out,
Thy love too high.
O hold me still
Beneath Thy shadow.
It is enough that Thou
Lift up the light
Of Thy countenance.
I wait--
Because I am commanded
So to do. My mind
Is filled with wonderings.
My soul asks "Why?"
But then the quiet word,
"Wait thou only
Upon God."
And so, not even for the light
To show a step ahead,
But for Thee, dear Lord,
I wait.

Elliot, Elisabeth. Passion and Purity, p. 72.

Psalm 103

Of David.

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.

21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

(emphasis mine)

Movin' on up...

Believe it or not this is much better than before (see an earlier blog about our tents). Oh and all the goats are gone... ¡Gloria a Dios!

Wait. PERIOD.

Over the past few months, WAIT has been a constant word that I've heard from God. Most of the time, it is all that I hear Him saying...nothing more. I've struggled a lot with the meaning of this word. Does it mean to sit on my butt and do nothing until God says something else? I don't think so. Am I supposed to wait while serving in another country? Should I be in a different city, at a different job, in a different apartment, etc.? There are so many questions that I don't know the answers to, which involve relationships, future ministry opportunities, and more. But the one thing has remained constant...Wait!

I spent some time this morning looking up Scripture that talked about waiting. I do not claim to have learned the secret to what it means to "wait" (ironically, I think the secret probably involves waiting). As I searched God's Word, I began to see many very cool things. I saw how God has everything under control (Psalm 27). I saw that He desires for us to seek Him with all our heart and place our hope and trust solely in Him (Psalm 130). As we do that, God promises grace, strength, and blessings (Isaiah 30). God also promises that He hears thos who patiently wait upon Him (Psalm 40).

As I got to the New Testament, the question changed from "Why to we wait?" to "What are we waiting for?" We are to be waiting in eager expectation of our restoration (Romans 8), glory of God to be revealed (1 Thessalonians 1), the Holy Spirit to lead us (Acts 1:4), and Christ's return/our ultimate salvation (Titus 2; Hebrews 9). Sometimes suffering and other hardships are included and promised as we wait and follow Christ. But salvation is promised to those who endure to the end (2 Timothy 2).

So, what do I do with all of this? WAIT!!! Haven't you been paying attention? Haha. I will continue to seek after the Lord, wait upon Him, and place my hope in His unfailing promises. I pray that through His grace I will be steadfast in this, and I also pray that God blesses your life as well as you wait upon Him. Share with someone today the reason for the hope you have in Christ?

My Peruvian family

Pictured from left to right:

Jason, Hilda, Pastor Dessy, Dessy (in the back), Caleb, and me.

P.S. I have just realized that one of the most important people has been accidentally left out of this picture... Grandma! I will add a picture of me and her to this post when I take one.

The Power Team

Go to http://emanuelchurchmission1200.slide.com/ to check out a cool slideshow put together by the son of the Pastor we are staying with in Chincha (especially the power team).